Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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