I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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