you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
