Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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