Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
