Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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