Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
