So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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