You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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