remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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