just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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