I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
