turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
