He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
