I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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