I wanna bring you to show and tell
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
