i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
