what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
