Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
