i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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