I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
