I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
