So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
