He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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