Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
