Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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