he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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