i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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