the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
