what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
