I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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