My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
