i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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