Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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