sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
