dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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