I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
