the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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