it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
