I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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