Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
