is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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