The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
