I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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