bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
