I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
