Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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