if you like me you must not know who I am
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
