Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There r osticjed everywhere
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
As shirtless as possible
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We left the knife in your bed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
