don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
