Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
