I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
