Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
