quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This house was built for laser tag.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
