That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
