tell your sister to shave her snatch
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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