I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
