so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
