Porn is love you can see.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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