Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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