KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
