i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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